no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i drank out of a bidet.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
