I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
