my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
