after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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