So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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