Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
