pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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