I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize