Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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