I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
