An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
