So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Randomize
