bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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