thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
