I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
