There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize