can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
