She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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