Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
