....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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