she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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