i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
