the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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