my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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