She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
