if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
