The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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