3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
