One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
