were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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