i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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