I think my fart just growled at me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
