i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
