She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
