I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
