walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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