Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
