i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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