She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
