drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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