I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
