I'm really into asian looking animals
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
