peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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