You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
