I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
