totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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