i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize