he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am one with the molecules
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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