we're chasing vodka with high fives
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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