do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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