I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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