dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
