When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
