I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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