she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
