dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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