even my farts smell like vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were trust falling into bushes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize