Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
