Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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