So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
