I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you had me at cake vodka
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize