Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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