I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
