I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
