she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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