sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
