I'm passing your future prison.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
