I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
