textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
