Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
