If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
