i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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